Bisexuality and coming out again and again

In 1998 I rode using the Dykes on Bikes at the Brisbane Pride March. I experienced just got my bike license and operating into the parade was a dream of mine for several years. I’d a pissy small Virago 250 and it also was actually dirty and scraped up.

I happened to be anxious on how huge and glossy all of those other bikes had been. I happened to be nervous concerning the slow drive, as I had been a brand new rider. Mainly, however, I became anxious that somebody, probably one of several some other riders, would point at myself and call me away.

She actually is not queer. She’s had gotten a sweetheart waving at this lady through the group.

At that time I have been with Anthony for seven decades. Regarding night we met him I found myself sitting back at my ex-girlfriend’s lap, flirting with her, attempting to ignore the vocals of reason in my own head advising me personally that I had got off that connection permanently factors.

I happened to be inebriated and Anthony appeared good and that I thought a fresh one-night-stand had been better than the over-familiar angst of a vintage fire. A week later he previously relocated in. 27 years later he hasn’t remaining.


the guy different riders might have been forgiven for checking out me personally strangely, and not because I was wobbling nervously back and forth. It had been an easy task to glance at me strolling across the street with my man and presume heterosexuality—it’s nothing like I have a particular tat or a glowing rainbow feeling to tell folks I’m bisexual.

Folks do it all committed.


do everything the time—read a book or see a movie with a female and a man in a commitment, and jump to your so-often-incorrect bottom line that they’re heterosexual.

Krissy Kneen. Image: supplied

You may be forgiven for obtaining a copy of my brand new book,


, and convinced that Jessica, the protagonist regarding the unique is actually straight. The actual only real intercourse represented is actually between their and guys. Then again there is this line:

Before Matthew, at uni, she would do not have slept with one and/or a lady without defense.

It is a small sentence, not important for the storyline. In reality from inside the line change, my personal editor suggested I work.


is fairly a simple piece of writing in comparison to my personal various other books. Countless small phrases, plenty room and silence.

It could make sense to chop the range: the writing may survive without it, as well as being just a little hiccup in usually easy circulation associated with world.

Exactly what this line really does is actually excursion the reader just a little. It willn’t, but it does. It wouldn’t cause a disruption for the flow otherwise for the basic cultural presumption of heterosexuality.


ines such as this are as important in my life because they are inside my book. I will be constantly interested in chances to discuss casually typically conversation that I will be interested in females equally frequently concerning men. Its a constant concern for the bisexuals I know, actually. We do not merely come out once. We will need to emerge each and every time we meet some one new.

On home grass i’m vigilant, ensuring my friends and acquaintances realize that I determine as queer: that Im bisexual and that, regardless of how numerous years of monogamy tend to be behind me personally, i’ll always be and constantly identify as bisexual.

But not long ago i found members of my husband’s lengthy household in Ireland plus in that environment, satisfying brand new family members, no body had this information. To them I found myself this is the long-term heterosexual girlfriend of their cousin.

It could currently quick just to allow folks accept their unique presumptions about my sex: not to ever rock the familial ship with confusing information about my personal queerness.

Rather, i came across spots in conversation to underline it.

My publications can be preferred during the queer neighborhood

, we mentioned once they questioned me personally what I did.

Yes, we typically communicate at

article authors’ festivals at festivities of queer writing alongside other queer authors

. Possibly I became a little heavy-handed in certain cases; I undoubtedly watched the family relations quit to simply take another appearance whenever I made my sexual direction clear.

And yes: it is disruptive to toss these records deliberately into dialogue. But in general terms it is necessary not to let the common assumption of heterosexuality go unchallenged. And me it’s important to refute the concept that my long-term monogamous commitment talks towards entire of my personal sexual identity.

There are other signals, also: non-verbal clues i take advantage of to allow individuals know which and everything I are. We usually ask my personal hairdresser provide me a cut that looks because queer as fuck.

Just don’t create me check right

, we say. Im also conscious that my haphazard contemporary style, which I reference as insane bag-lady elegant, is another method of signalling my queerness. I will be clothing myself—literally—in otherness.

Then there’s my human body which, in most its excess of fleshiness, will not perform into a heterosexual norm. I really do perhaps not contour my self to interest the look of males. I don’t program in certain vain try to be much more intimately appealing to males and that I don’t cover my personal fleshy curves, though We usually have trouble with you embarrassment that’s thrust upon myself by marketing social norms.


t is steady and exhausting work for bisexual people to lock in their own place in the LGBTQI acronym. There is a B within, folks; but monogamous bisexual women are frequently mistaken for lesbians or heterosexuals. You should definitely practising non-monogamy, it is almost impossible for us to make sure that all of our sexuality is seen, short of putting on it on a t-shirt. The only additional recourse is always to demonstrably underline it in conversation: coming-out to the world again and again.

I’m sure that as


strikes the shelves my fictional character, Jessica, would be recognised incorrectly as a heterosexual fictional character. It’ll imply, maybe, your guide is more accepted by heterosexual visitors than several of my personal past, a lot more clearly queer, books.

We doubt that queerness might be an interest of discussion in almost any regarding the interviews I really do to promote the ebook. Whether It wasn’t for that one little line—

she would not have slept with men if not a lady without defense

—queerness might never ever go into the mind with the viewer anyway.

As it is, I know that i’ve created another queer novel: a book which should sit proudly beside various other queer guides. It is not a book about sex or sexuality. But it’s a novel that talks upwards gently for all your bisexuals just who believe forgotten or misunderstood because of the gender of these present sexual spouse.

Krissy Kneen is an award-winning journalist and a cherished member of the Australian literary area. She has created memoir, poetry and fiction along with her 2017 book, An Uncertain Grace, had been shortlisted for all the Stella reward. The woman various other work consists of Affection, Steeplechase, Triptych and The activities of Holly White in addition to Amazing Sex device. Her brand new book
is released on

3 Sep

by Text Publishing.

Krissy stays in Brisbane.